me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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