Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
