i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
