Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
