allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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