Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I did not marry a roomba.
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