deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
