I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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