Your tits are I can't wait for
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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