I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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