I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
