My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
