I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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