Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
