it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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