soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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