Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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