I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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