John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im holly from the hills drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
