At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
