we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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