Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she peed on how many people?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
