Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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