Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
