I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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