like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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