Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
