sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
