Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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