Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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