And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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