I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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