I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
