shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
