Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
