My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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