Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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