break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
