I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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