i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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