I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
