How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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