dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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