Where is the hickey?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
