Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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