Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize