Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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