i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
