Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
