I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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