i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize