How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wanna go halves on a baby?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
