So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
