I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
