Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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