At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We're too hungover to prance.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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