It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
