Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
