Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
