I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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