I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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