I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
