i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
