My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
