I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize