She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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