Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So squirting runs in the family.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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