Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
